So often we hear from families how eager they are for their child to connect and play with other kids. For some, “eager” might not even be the best word to describe it. “Desperate” might feel more fitting. It is a desire so deep that it feels painful when a social interaction doesn’t go as planned. It can feel especially challenging when another child initiates an interaction and your child doesn’t respond, despite the hours you have invested in coaching around this very scenario. The defeat can quickly lead to feelings of wanting to retreat. Hold onto hope because we have some strategies to help you and your child navigate these situations.
- Give Your Child a Cue → A gentle reminder or a simple phrase like, “Remember, it’s nice to say hello” can nudge your child toward social interaction.
- Suggest, Don’t Demand → Instead of demanding, “You need to answer him,” try suggesting, “Maybe you can let them know if you want to play ball or keep doing the swing.”
- Help the Peer Understand → Offer empathy by saying something like, “Thank you for saying hi! Sometimes it can be tricky for them to know what to say. Maybe we will come say hi in a little bit.”
- Offer to Facilitate → Let the peer know you’re there to help. For example, you could say, “I’m not sure they heard you. I would love to help.”
- Respect Your Child’s Silence → Understand that not all children are naturally social or outgoing. If your child seems uncomfortable, say, “They need a few minutes before they might be ready to respond.”
- Highlight Your Child’s Efforts → Acknowledge your child’s actions, even if they’re small. For example, you could say, “Thank you for saying hi to them. I saw them smile back at you. That was nice!”
- Explain What You’re Noticing → If your child missed a social cue, explain what you’re observing. For example, you could say, “I’m noticing that they took out all the balls and asked if you wanted to play.”
- Thank the Peer → Express gratitude for the other child’s friendliness. For example, you could say, “Thank you for being so friendly!”
Remember, social interactions can be a complex landscape, especially for neurodivergent children. By celebrating their efforts, no matter how small, and offering gentle guidance, you can empower your child to build meaningful connections over time.
