Let’s be honest, our world runs on a giant metaphorical sticker chart. “Do your taxes, get a refund!” “Finish your vegetables, earn dessert!” It’s a system that seems logical, easy to implement… almost too easy. But for neurodivergent children, this “do this, get that” approach can be about as effective as using a participation trophy as a doorstop.
Here’s the thing, rewards aren’t all they claim to be. Sure, a shiny sticker might elicit momentary compliance, but for a neurodivergent child, it can overshadow the joy of learning or completing a task for its own sake.
So why are we so opposed to rewards? We promise we have good reasons, backed by research.
Let’s break it down →
- Rewards Rupture Relationships: Rewards can actually damage relationships. Imagine needing a gold star just to play with a friend or get a high five from your mom. It’s not exactly a recipe for genuine connection, right?
- Skipping the “Why” Part: Rewards are like putting a Band-Aid on a broken leg – they are an attempt to fix a problem at a surface level without understanding the underlying cause. They don’t encourage kids to understand why certain behaviors are important.
- Rewards Discourage Risk-Taking: When you are working for a reward, people do exactly what is needed to get that reward and nothing more. You don’t take chances, play with possibilities, or experiment to deepen your understanding.
- The Joy Factor Takes a Nosedive: Joy and Intrinsic motivation, the kind that fuels curiosity and a love of learning, get pushed aside when all you offer is a manufactured reward.
- They’re Like Punishment in Disguise: Rewards and punishments are two sides of the manipulation coin. Both treat behavior like a light switch you can flick on and off with the right external nudge.
Let’s stay curious! Rewards can be a helpful tool in some situations. We won’t completely rule them out. Being thoughtful and strategic with your limited use are musts. You don’t want to create a cycle of dependence.
Looking to deep-dive into this topic? Check out the book “Punished by Rewards” – it’s a fantastic resource for going beyond the sticker charts and into the wonderful world of understanding your neurodivergent child.
Remember, a little empathy goes a long way. Let’s move beyond the reward system and create a world where neurodivergent children feel supported and empowered to thrive in their own way. After all, the real reward is seeing them become the most amazing versions of themselves!
